Dispatch #21 – Economy.

I AM a representative of the former British Empire and the current Commonwealth of Nations; I am the descendant of Victorian Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and the son of an RAF pilot. I did not graduate with First Class honours from Cambridge University and since then have not entered the Foreign Office’s prestigious diplomatic corps.

The Northern Plights’ documents my assessment of Sweden for the possibility of any future conquests which the British Government’s War Cabinet is not considering.

Let me ask you a hypothetical question – use the might of your British Born Brain to answer it; use every ounce of your Commonwealth Commonsense and your wealth of Empire Endorsed Experience. Now…would you buy a used car from this man?

Let me preempt your answer: “Not on your Nellie, Mr Dippylomat esq”, and I would whole-heartedly agree with you. A slick backed Status Quo-inspired ponytail and an earring last seen on one half of 80s pop sensation duo Bros  – you might as well hand your hard-earned inherited cash over to a man in a sheepskin coat selling genuine Swiss ‘Polex‘ watches in a backstreet Moroccan market.

Now let me reveal the true identity of this man as Anders Borg – Sweden’s Minister for Finance, chief economist and, err, self-proclaimed feminist. The Swedes not only trust him with their spare kronor – they trust him with ALL their kronor.

This man who has seemingly not only kept the Swedeconomy afloat, but positively sailing like a Viking longship – while much of Europe, nay the world (apart from the Chinese bit), bob around like Titanic flotsam.

Economically Sweden is always circling the top of the ‘Countries with the Best..’ and loitering near the bottom of the ‘Countries with the Worst…’ charts. Someone somewhere is clearly doing something very right and as Britain haemorrhages money like a drunk pensioner at a Las Vegas slot machine, we REALLY need to know how.  But is Anders Borg – a man who looks like he went to his bespoke tailor and said ‘the wife beater look please’ – actually responsible?

I, for a distinguished one, think not.

Let’s have a little poke around the list of countries the UN thinks, all things considered, have a sterlingly-strong economy. Comfortably within the Top 10 are Norway, with a seabed bulging at the seams with oil; Switzerland, with a stash of looted Nazi gold under the bed and Sweden, with a surplus of…IKEA beds. All nice little earners admittedly, but methinks there is more to their secret than meets the monocled-eye.

Now let me draw your attention to the Big Mac Index, the key to explaining to The Under Classes the world of economics using the only language they understand – McDonalds’ burgers. Do you REALLY think it is pure coincidence that the three most expensive Big Macs in the world can be found in Norway, Sweden and Switzerland (click me for tomato source)?

So when these suit-clad financial leaders claim to have solved the global depression we are currently wallowing in, don’t assume it is down to number crunching, fiscal policy and quantitative easing, all they do is persuaded McDonalds to hike up the price of a Big Mac and wait for the calorie-fuelled tax coffers to roll in.

If you REALLY want to understand the baffling concepts behind global economics, don’t listen to a man having a mid-life crisis with a matching ponytail, you’re better off listening to Ronald McDonald!

I need to skedaddle, my side-project beckons – keep your eyes peeled for my own fast food chain – Burger Emperor.

Toodle pip,

ATTENTION BOTH THE FOREIGN OFFICE AND EMPIREES: The £Pound has gone down the proverbial pan, the $Dollar is as weak as a baby chick with brittle bone disease and the €Euro  is sunning itself on a Greek beach…let me introduce you to the Dippy – the new kid on the currency block. A 50Dip note will be sent to the next 10 subscribers.

About The Dippylomat, Esq.

A connoisseur, a charmer and a bit of a cad.
This entry was posted in British Empire, diets, Economics, Ex pats, Food, Humour, Norway, Stockholm, Sweden, Travel and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Dispatch #21 – Economy.

  1. No Name says:

    HAHAHA what a brilliant post!

  2. Swedish Meatballs says:

    A truly bizarre choice of arch-beancounter by our Nordic cousins! Those trusting Swedes should be no match for our well-developed guile, perfected from years of duplicitous dealings with primitive savages around the world…

  3. How awfully kind of you to say so Mr No Name esq.

    ~The Dippylomat esq.

  4. Carrie says:

    I have never trusted a man with a ponytail!

    My dear, unlike this dispatch, which was most entertaining to read,:) one does find the economy to be a bit of a bore. 😮 Yes, I know one should know what is going on regarding this topic but as long as my hushand is a Lord, and can buy me pretty dresses, one couldn’t give a toss. :p

    Oh, I really want one of those 50 dippys notes. 🙂 Do they have those at the Bank of England?

    Now I must go and watch Downton Abbey.

  5. Dearest Countess Carrie,

    Come a week on Monday you will be bought lunch using the Dippy currency.

    ~The Dippylomat esq.

  6. E-bike says:

    I like this site very much, Its a really nice situation to read and get info .

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